Disclaimer- Get Backers and all characters having to do with it do not belong to me. The song was written by....*looks* no clue, but it's performed by Kazama Yuuto (in character as Ishida Yamato) for the fictional band Teen-age Wolves (yes, it's a Digimon song) and was translated by Riah-chan.
Warnings- Hey, you people wanted me to write a yaoi! Lemon. Kinda depressing. Introspective. Takes place....whenever. After Jubei went blind. Have fun. ^_^
By A Girl Named Goo
Dedicated to Mona, who gave me the idea, and to the incomparible peanut, who beta read it for me. Maybe now there will be fewer embarrassing typoes (yes, I spell it with an "e". Don't tell me it's wrong).
"I wrapped up my invisible anxieties in you but your eyes are lost Your wavering confidence is different than usual, our bodies are trembling. Because I don't want that type of self, will you hold me in your arms? It's too early to close your eyes, let's look at our reality We're not helpless; we'll do the best with our courage."
~ "Tobira ~Door~" by the Teen-age Wolves
The room was quiet, still. Seperated from the rest of the world. Nothing existed right now but this one secluded room in this one secluded building, hidden in the woods. It was night. The only light came from the lanterns, casting the room in a sepia tone and intimate shadows. There was very little in this room: a futon in one corner, a low table, and a cushion that Kadsuki was currently leaning on, grinding herbs into a paste with a mortar and pestle.
Jubei was laying on his stomach on the futon, naked, the blanket pulled up to his waist and exposing his back. Kadsuki couldn't tell if he was awake or not. Although he doubted it made much of a difference at the moment. He could just as easily work with him asleep.
In another room of the little secluded cabin there were stacks of books. They were all about medicine. About eastern medicine and western medicine. About anatomy and remedies. About every cure for every ailment from acne to arthritis, from colds to cancer.
Jubei had wanted to leave the books behind when Kadsuki suggested they come to this secluded place, the last building left of what had once been the Fuchoin family's home, one that had been spared from the fire only because of how far away from the rest of the property it had been.. He hated those books. Kadsuki was always looking through them, telling Jubei the answer had to be in there somewhere. Jubei could hear the turning of pages, the scratching of pen on paper, the ever so faint whisper as he mouthed the words of some of the passages. It hurt him to know that Kadsuki was working so hard for his sake. He had wanted to go somewhere to be alone with him, to show him that even if he couldn't see he would be all right. But Kadsuki had brought the books. Instead of making this a vacation away from finding a miracle cure, he'd made this an opportunity to try out the various remedies the books had.
Kadsuki finally laid down the pestle and examined his handy work. It was a foul-smelling concoction. According to the book, this salve was an old remedy for nerve damage, often used to restore movement in joints and limbs that were paralyzed. Perhaps it could repair the nerves in Jubei's back that had rendered him blind. One can always hope, he thought as he brought the smoothly carved stone bowl over to where his companion was laying.
"That stuff smells awful," Jubei noted as Kadsuki took a generous portion onto his fingers.
"So you're awake," was the only response. Kadsuki had put his hair up to keep it out of the way as he worked, but the hair tie was slipping. He pushed an errant strand out of the way and attempted to examine Jubei's back in the dim light. It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for: small scars, spotting his lower back, permenant reminders of the black needles. As if blindness wasn't enough.
"It's hard to sleep when you're over there grinding away. Ooh, that's cold!"
Kadsuki smiled as he rubbed the salve into his back, over his scars. Jubei squirmed a little at first, but as the thick liquid warmed up he was still again. Kadsuki applied liberal amounts, enough to conceal the scars. He didn't know how much he needed, or how many times he needed to apply it, but he wasn't going to be stingy with it if it was possibly the cure they were looking for.
Jubei sighed a little as Kadsuki smoothed the salve over his back, rather enjoying the feeling of his slick fingers massaging into him, listening to the sound of the bells in his hair jingling softly with his every movement. Before it had been something Jubei had taken for granted. The sound was always there, and the bells were a weapon. It was like a police officer's gun: it was dangerous, and it was always there, but no one really paid much attention to it unless they had to. But now the sound was his favorite sound. It meant Kadsuki was near him although he couldn't see him. It was such a cheerful, pleasant sound, and it brought him hope like nothing else could. It didn't matter what they were actually for. They had become the beacon of his new life. He could always trust in Kadsuki, and as long as that was true all he had to do was follow the sound of those bells and he would never be lost.
"All done," Kadsuki said softly, putting the bowl down onto the floor and looking at Jubei's back. The scars were no longer visable, thankfully. Kadsuki kissed his shoulder. "We'll try it again in the morning."
Jubei, still laying on his stomach, moved over on the futon so Kadsuki could slide in next to him. Kadsuki smiled sadly, knowing Jubei couldn't see it but hoping he felt it somehow, and stripped off the silky kimono he had been wearing as he worked, removed the strings that had kept his hair bound as he prepared the salve, and pulled himself against his lover's body, careful not to touch the sticky substance on his back. He wasn't quite ready to go to sleep yet, but he wanted to make sure Jubei was asleep before he continued to work.
"You should be relaxing," Jubei whispered, turning onto his side so he could pull Kadsuki up to his chest. He kissed the top of his head, reaching out and running his fingers through his silky brown hair, trying to imagine what he must look like right now. The last image he had of Kadsuki, just before he released the black needles, the look of urgency and betrayel and hurt and anger...he didn't want to see that again. Blindness was his punishment for what he had done, and that image was a reminder of that. Even if Kadsuki had somehow found it in his heart to forgive him, he had not yet paid for his crimes.
Kadsuki closed his eyes for a moment, putting a hand on Jubei's chest. He wanted to stay here all night, but there was work to be done. He was here so he could try to find a cure for Jubei's blindness, even if that wasn't what he wanted. He sighed and moved his hand down lower. Jubei was hard. Odd that he hadn't noticed it before. Or that Jubei hadn't mentioned it. Usually when he was aroused he told Kadsuki, knowing that it would distract him from his work.
"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Kadsuki asked softly, running his fingers down the hard shaft to let him how what he was talking about. Jubei shivered before answering.
"I thought you were tired. I thought I could...I could just...God, please don't do that while I'm trying to talk."
Kadsuki stopped stroking Jubei's cock and pressed his mouth against his lover's. Jubei hadn't expected that, but he eagerly wrapped his arms around Kadsuki's thin frame, tracing his spine, the curve of his back, feeling his long hair as their tongues met and began to rub up against each other, linking them together. Jubei moved one hand to Kadsuki's face to trace it, to get an idea of what he looked like now. Kadsuki suddenly ground his hips into Jubei's, pressing his own hard-on into his.
When the broke the kiss Kadsuki put his head on Jubei's shoulder. "I'm not tired," he said simply, smiling against Jubei's chest so that he could feel it. Jubei sat up and laid Kadsuki on his back, running his fingers down his face again.
"Do we have any kind of lube here?" he asked, hoping the answer was yes.
"Actually, um..." Kadsuki started, blushing. He sat up and guided Jubei down onto the futon. The salve had to have dried by then, anyway, he decided. "I was thinking we could try something different this time."
"Something...different?" Jubei asked hesitantly.
Kadsuki nodded before catching himself and answering verbally. "Yes. You do trust me, right?"
Jubei nodded. "Of course I do."
"Good," Kadsuki told him, get up off the futon to look for some kind of lubricant. He wasn't sure why he was suddenly compelled to try being on top this time. He loved it when Jubei was inside him, having complete control over him. But every once in a while he wondered what it was like to have that kind of control over someone else...
Having not anticipated any activities of a sexual nature for this trip, he hadn't packed any lube. However, all was not lost as his eyes rested on the mortar next to the futon, with just enough of the foul-smelling salve left in it to be of some use. He smilled and crouched down again. "I found something," he whispered into Jubei's ear. He kissed him just above his left eye.
"What did you find?" Jubei asked as Kadsuki moved down to the other end of the futon.
"Just what's left of that stuff I put on your back," he said absently, coating his fingers with the cold, slick subtance.
"What- aaaah! A little warning before you do that, please and thank you!" Jubei hissed, feeling Kadsuki's finger inside of him.
"You never warn me!" Kadsuki argued, moving the finger and making Jubei hiss again.
"That's because I'm more careful about it!"
Kadsuki bent down and kissed Jubei's inner thigh. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm going to put in the second one now."
Jubei nodded. "Careful this time, though."
Kadsuki bit his lip and concentrated on inserting the second finger, working to stretch out the opening. He could feel Jubei writhing, and the look on his face was uncomfortable. He tried to search for the right spot, but to no avail. He slowly inserted a third finger, searching again, slowly. Finally Jubei gasper and shivered beneath him.
"Kadsuki, that's it," Jubei whispered urgently.
Kaduski nodded, this time not catching himself. The bells let Jubei know he'd moved his head, though, as he felt the fingers slide out of his body. Kadsuki reached into the bowl next to him and scooped out the last of the cold salve, waiting for it to warm up before coating himself with it. He positioned himself the way he had often seen Jubei position himself over him. "I'm going to do it," he said softly.
Jubei swallowed. "All right," he whispered back, bracing himself for Kadsuki entering him. He had to admit that he was nervous. He trusted that Kadsuki would be gentle with him, but it didn't change the fact that he had never done this before and didn't know exactly what he was doing.
Kadsuki closed his eyes in concentration as he slowly guided himself inside Jubei, biting his lip as he felt the warm heat close around him. He didn't know that it felt this way. It was all he could do to restrain himself, to keep from sliding in too far or out too fast.
"Kadsuki, are you all right?" Jubei gasped, trying to hide how uncomfortable he felt.
"Yeah," Kadsuki told him. "Just needed a moment, that's all."
Jubei nodded. "Go slow," he told him.
Kadsuki closed his eyes and hesitantly drew himself back out again. He was surprised by the effort it took. Jubei always made it seem so easy, he thought, as he eased himself back in, once again trying to find that spot. From Jubei's reaction he had missed again, and he slowly withdrew to try again, before forcing himself back in.
This went on for a few more hesitant thrusts before Jubei repositioned himself in an effort to help his lover. Kadsuki tried a couple more times before Jubei groaned, letting him know he'd found the spot. The moment was so sudden that he stopped again.
"Keep going," Jubei urged.
Kadsuki swallowed and began his hesitant thrusts again, gaining more confidence with Jubei's moans and barely intelligable words of encouragement, increasing in speed. He was sweating now, his hair sticking to his body and getting in the way no matter how much he pushed it back. He was so deep in concentration that he was surprised when he came.
Jubei smiled as Kadsuki withdrew. He would have liked him to try to finish, but for his first time this was more than he could ask. "You always come first," he noted, before he realized something warm and wet had slipped over his cock. Kadsuki's mouth.
This was something Kadsuki knew how to do. Although he didn't often pleasure Jubei this way (he usually didn't have to) he was very good at it, his lips covering his teeth, his tongue moving around the hard shaft as his head bobbed up and down, taking more into his mouth and then letting it start to slide back out, sucking gently. It didn't take long for Jubei to finish, grunting as he did and letting Kadsuki suck the rest of the come from him.
Jubei was a bit surprised when he felt Kadsuki stand up from the futon, the bells in his hair chiming as he moved around the room. "What are you doing now? Was it so bad that you want to leave?" he asked, only half-joking.
Kadsuki looked back over at him. "Of course not. I enjoyed that. It's not something I'd want to do often, but I liked it. I am just putting out the lanterns."
Jubei yawned. "So you are going to go to bed. Glad you decided to stop working."
Kadsuki made his way through the darkness, wondering idly how Jubei could live every moment of every day like this. "I already have a few remedies to try. We only have enough supplies to stay here for so long, and then I should really start working again. Let's wait and see if this one works first."
Jubei had a wicked smile on his face as Kadsuki slipped under the covers next to him. "If it doesn't, at least we found another use for it."
"See? You do have a sense of humor! Now you can stop it with the bad jokes Emishi told you. I think you frightened poor Ginji-san quite a bit."
"Too bad I can't tell Emishi that one."
"I don't think he'd get it."
It was Kadsuki's turn to yawn as his eyes started to close. Jubei put another kiss on the top of his head, smoothing back his hair and listening to his bells jingle ever so softly as he breathed, a sound that, to him, was sweeter than any lullaby.
Note- All I can say is I managed to curb my hair fetish this time around. Go me.