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Disclaimer- I do not own Fruits Basket and after this I will probably be sued for defamation...
The Fruits Basket Drinking Song
*Scene opens to inside Shigure's house. Shigure, Yuki, Kyou, Tohru, Hatori, Ayame, Momiji, Hatsuharu, Kagura, and Ritsu (because he's not in enough fics and he's my favorite character). They appear to be plastered on what looks to be good ol' Tenchi Muyo! Tea, from the looks of the bottle in the center of the table. Tohru is leaning face-down over the table, Yuki and Kyou are leaning back-to-back against each other, Ayame is just sitting in the corner holding a bottle of Sailor Moon Juice and trying to shove it in Hatori's face (oddly enough you can't even tell he's drunk), Shigure is leaning in the doorway (which threatens to give under his weight), Momiji is laying flat on his back just staring up at the cieling, Kagura appears to be vomitting outside off the porch, Hatsuharu has a bottle in his hand and is just kinda spinning around in a "Gray Haru" mode, and Ritsu sprawled out half in the kitchen and half in the dining area. Suddenly, a familiar melody begins to play and the characters begin chanting "hey yo pass the booze!" (for those who missed the Digimon Drinking Song, this is the melody to the Simpsons drinking song where Marge gets tanked at the company picnic, but instead of "hey brother pour the wine" they sing this.*
Tohru: *Standing up and looking really wobbly*
They told me I was too innocent
Too sweet to get to choose
But that sounded like a challenge to me
So I downed that bottle o' booze!
The scenary is a'swaying
The floor is moving beneath me
But I'd have to say when this is done
I'll be glad I've felt this way!
*Tohru plops herself down rather hard on the cushions and giggles. Shigure walks in and grabs the bottle that's on the table. The others are still chanting.*
Shigure: *Tips the bottle back, notices it's empty, shrugs, and drops it*
You all probably won't be 'sprised to know
I've been this way before
I grab a bottle of hard liquor
And wind up spread out on the floor
When I'm with my friends
It is is usually me
That spikes all of their tea
With a shot or two of sake!
*Shigure goes to leave the room and falls over, grabbing his doorframe and breaking it. Yuki suddenly stands up, causing Kyou to fall over behind him. But strangely Kyou just starts laughing and Hatsuharu offers him the bottle in his hand. Everyone is still chanting (everyone who is still able to, anyway).*
Yuki: *Reaches for the nearest convenient thing to lean against, which turns
out to be Ayame's head*
I probably shouldn't be doing this
I'm supposed to be the good one after all
But a few sips of Shigure's special tea
And I was having a ball!
I'll probably wake up tomorrow
Find I've done something I'll regret
But just for a little while
I'll drink all the booze I can get!
*Yuki goes back over to where Kyou is and falls on top of him. Momiji forces himself up, but falls on Tohru and transforms until a rabbit. He starts singing anyway while accompanied by the chorus of chanting.*
Momiji: *Hops on the table*
I'm probably too young for this
But I had some anyway
It just looked like so much fun
To drink the night away!
But now that I look
I had a thought that wasn't funny:
Not since Sailormoon S
Has the world seen such a drunk bunny!
*Momiji suddenly changes back on the table. Tohru is already looking down, and he just giggles and grabs his clothes and slinks off to another room. Kagura stops throwing up and walks back into the room. The others start chanting for her.*
Kagura: *Also using Ayame as a leaning post (not that he seems to care)*
It should be pretty obvious by now
I've already had more than enough
I drank all that spiked tea
I didn't know what was in the stuff!
Now I'm already regretting it
I dread what'll happen tomorrow morning
But as long as I keep at least a mild buzz
At least in the meantime it won't be so boring!
*Kagura then promptly passes out in the middle of the floor. Ritsu is starting to drag himself up and the others are still chanting, though with everyone passing out it's now not as strong as before.*
Ritsu: *Hiccuping and grabbing the doorway for support*
I am usually very quiet
I'm self-deprecriative, that's a fact
But I've never felt so good about myself
Than when I've tipped the bottle back!
So I stand here today
And for what it's worth
Just for this day only
You can all see what's up my skirt!
*Ritsu briefly flashes everyone and then falls back into the kitchen. Every chants for quite a while before Hatsuharu finally gets up.*
Hatsuharu: *Looks in the kitchen for a second, then shudders and uses the doorway
as a support*
I can't figure out
Why everyone's acting so strange
You all act as if you've never boozed before
And that notion's just derranged
And I don't care
How much better he feels about himself
If I have to see look up Ritsu's skirt one more time
I am really going to hang myself!
*Hatsuharu suddenly falls backwards and doesn't come back out. Everyone blinks for a moment and then continues to chant. Hatori stands up and looks mostly composed and unchanged but is obviously hammered or he wouldn't be singing.*
Hatori: *Brushes himself off*
I know what you're thinking
And I've thought it once or twice
Someone as dignified as me
Shouldn't be as drunk as I am tonight
But you should all bear in mind
That it's probably better that I've also had a bottle or three
Because if I hadn't and I saw you all like this
You would all have to answer to me
*Hatori sits back down in his spot and takes the bottle Ayame has been thrusting in his face while the others chant. Kyou rolls over so that Yuki is now beneath him and stands up, taking the bottle from Hatori and taking a long pull.*
Kyou: *Handing back the bottle*
This might surprise you all
To hear I've never drank before
Sure I've had a sip here or there
But never anything more
But of all you sitting here
I'll probably have the most trouble when this has passed
And I wake up with the realization
I let that damned mouse touch my ass!
*Kyou goes to leave and falls over. Yuki, only half-conscious, drags himself on top of him. Finally Ayame stands up amid a chorus of weak chanting.*
Ayame: *Grinning broadly and finding another bottle somewhere somehow (hell,
this IS Ayame)*
By now you've probably figured out
Who gave 'Gure the idea and the booze
But considering you're all smashed right now
I'll confess 'cause hey, what have I got to lose?
So enjoy your buzz while it lasts
In the morning it'll be gone
And then you'll know you REALLY been somewhere
When the hangover's begun!
*The chanting is heard as the scene and the music fade out. Suddenly the scene comes up to what is obviously the next day. Yuki is still sprawled out on Kyou, Kagura is draped over the edge of the porch, Shigure is laying in the doorframe amid the debris of his wall with a half-dressed Momiji nearby. Tohru fell off the table at some point in the night and is now just laying spread-eagle on the floor, Hatori and Ayame are leaning against each other in the corner surrounded by liqour bottles, and Ritsu and Hatsuharu are no where to be seen.*
Tohru: *Getting up* Wh-what happened?
Shigure: *Also sitting up* I think Ayame got us drunk.
Ayame: *Waking up and stretching* You spiked the tea. I just brought the sake.
Hatori: *Falling over sideways* I should hurt both of you. Severely.
*Hatori seems to be out again.*
Momiji: *Fixing his clothes* Why do I have a subpeona from Toei Animation that says I am being sued for unliscenced use of a character and a stuffed bunny impaled with a knife that says "Beware! Love, Usagi XOXOXO"?
*Yuki and Kyou wake up at the same time, scream, and jump to their feet.*
Kyou: You damned rat! What the hell were you doing?!
Yuki: I'm sure whatever happened last night was *your* brilliant idea, stupid cat!
Kyou: Me? Do anything with YOU?! Hah!
*Everyone looks outside. Kagura has just fallen off the porch.*
Kagura: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
*Hatori gets up and shakily walks outside. Suddenly screams fill the house and everyone looks over at the kitchen.*
Ritsu: *Running out of the kitchen and right out the front door* I'M SORRY!!! I'M SORRY!!! I'M SORRYYYYY!!!
*Hatsuharu also runs from the kitchen, panting hard.*
Haru: I don't want to know what the hell happened last night, but if I have to wake up to him with his skirt hiked up over his head again I am killing every last one of you!!